I’m A Friend Tim And Friends Shirt

 

I’m A Friend Tim And Friends Shirt

I think a lot of people—and I haven’t necessarily been above this—have the I’m A Friend Tim And Friends Shirt in other words I will buy this misconception that once you’re given a clean bill of health, there is a rubber-band snap back to yourself, and “you’re good!” It’s not just that we expect people to snap back, but we do them the disservice of projecting a hero’s journey arc on to their recovery. The survivor’s journey and hero’s journey are often conflated. When people are cured, we expect them to return better and braver and wiser for what they’ve been through. We call them inspirations and that comes from such a well-intentioned place, but, for me, there was a sense of cognitive dissonance. Everyone was congratulating me on being done, and I felt a sense of expectation, given that I had survived, especially when so many of my cancer friends hadn’t, that I should not just be living, but I should be somehow living a more beautiful, more meaningful life. That was a lot of pressure on someone who was physically wrecked and who was emotionally struggling with the grief of losing not just my friends and a relationship, but losing notions of who I might be. For example, just in terms of motherhood, my cancer left me with all kinds of short and long-term side effects, one of them being infertility, and I was sad and I was angry and I didn’t feel inspiring or brave.

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